First of all, realize that you are not alone. Death and grief are as old as the human race (Gen. 3:19; Heb. 9:27). Yet death cannot be treated as just another fact of life. It is inevitable and universal, but not to be taken lightly. Since it is inevitable, coping with death should be a preventive measure, as with any other event. A study of the subject may help prevent some of the bitter effects of grief in ourselves and others. “Forewarned is forearmed.”
Second, one should know what to expect when death comes. Expect denial of the fact of the loss. This will prolong grief. Expect an immediate period of shock, causing numbness, feeling as if in a daze, anger, self-pity, and frustration. Expect prolonged depression and its effects. At the top of all stress charts is death, especially the death of a spouse. This is often caused by remorseful feelings. “Did I do all I could? Did I let them know I loved them? Why did I speak so sharply, become so resentful of their needs?”
Expect emotional symptoms of this deep depression: withdrawal from others, an unusually aggressive attitude, “No you don’t know how I feel, either!!” Restlessness, loss of sleep, failure to eat properly, conviction that one is losing his sanity, abnormal absentmindedness, indifference to the necessary on-going of life, seeming loss of faith. Remember that “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Read of David’s bereavement (II Samuel 18 and 19). Expect some self-pity, but inordinate self-pity is to be avoided. God has NOT singled us out. He is not respecter of persons (Acts 10:34-35; Romans 2:11). Self-pity will cause others to avoid us, thus depriving us of much helpful sympathy and assistance.
Expect physical symptoms. As Susan Seliger wrote in McCall’s Magazine , June 1984, “Stress is not a disease, but it has been linked to most of the leading killers and cripplers – heart disease, cancer, diabetes, accidental injuries, suicide, cirrhosis of the liver…(it) can make us more susceptible to migraines, lower back pain, renal failure, recurrent flare-ups of herpes, even skin blemishes.” Arrhythmia, weakness, exhaustion, shortness of breath, loss of appetite, a general tired, run-down feeling – a feeling that one is losing his sanity – all these are symptoms to be expected by the bereaved.
Third, one should think of all the BENEFITS of bereavement, surprising as this may seem. For the faithful Christians, death is a welcome change to a much better life, especially if they have known nothing but suffering for some time. This one precious truth has been more comforting to this writer than all else combined. Read Revelation 14:13; 21:4. It is understandable that the pain-wracked often desire death (Job 6:1-4, 8-9; II Cor. 5:14; Phil. 1:21-24). This was true even of the suffering Savior (Luke 22:41-42). The fact of suffering and death causes mankind to desire a better existence (Heb. 11:14-15), where “there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain” (Rev. 21:4). Thanks be to God, it is provided, and our Christian departed loved ones enjoy it, now and forever! Everything that takes us AWAY from God is evil, and everything that brings us TOWARD God is GOOD. Once we have accepted this standard, we cans see bereavement in a different light.
Remember that you are not alone. Know what to expect. Be aware of the benefits of bereavement. Seek the help that is available, and may God bless you in this trying period of your life. JBD
